Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
