I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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