bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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