Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
