First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
