You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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