The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
