We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
