I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
