I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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