Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
