she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
