If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
