i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
