I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
