Just fell off a train. Bad.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
