I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
