yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
