MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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