3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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