The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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