"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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