I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
