dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
