you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
