we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
