chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
