worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
