My nipple is on Facebook.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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