What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
