Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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