I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
