don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
