She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
