Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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