just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
