It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
