You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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