You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
