spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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