Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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