I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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