3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
