went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
