Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
