Yo dont text me then not text me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
