Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
