There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
