Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
