i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
