in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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