i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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