why didn't you poke me back
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
