Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
