Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
