I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
