i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
