help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
