Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
