After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
