Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize