when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
